In the previous post I said there were 4 who fit the description of true, lifetime friend for me, but there is a fifth who is likely the most steadfast of all. She and I have been through much together and have managed to stay in touch with some frequency through all these years. Perhaps that is why I forgot to include her. We did not just reconnect, we have stayed connected. She was the first friend I made at college and possibly the best. She has never judged me, in spite all of the times she probably should have. And I can only think of a very few times that she was ever really angry with me; again, in spite of all of the times when she probably should have been. A patient listener and an honest advisor, she is dear to me.
More evidence that we can so quickly overlook those who are nearest to us.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Old Friends
I have met and known a lot of people in my lifetime--a LOT of people. More than the average person I'm almost certain. In fact, I saw a statistic a few years ago that said the average American will have the opportunity to influence 10,000 people during their lifetime. I'm guessing I've already hit that mark.
But the interesting thing about that number, which seems outrageous on the surface, is that out of that number I can probably narrow down the list of good friends that I have had--and I mean the kind of friends that are lifetime members of the club; where neither distance nor time nor circumstances nor any of the other myriad incumberences of life--(which means I still have them) to a number that fits on my fingers without having to use any of them twice. And I don't know if that is a sad thing, a common thing, a remarkable thing.........It can make me melancholy if I'm not careful; and I'm not one given to melancholy thoughts.
My suspicion is that it is typical; that most of us go through life making friends who are really acquaintances when it comes right down to it. They are people we know; that we like to hang out with. They're fun and funny, but they are not the missing piece to the puzzle we are trying to find.They are not bad people, usually just the opposite. They are likeable and dependable. We can count on them in a pinch and we'll miss them when they're gone, but they will eventually go--never to reappear.
But that handful--that favored few who stick to our lives no matter what; those are the ones I've been thinking about lately. And most of the ones who are that for me were made while I was in college the first time, right out of high school. And it is Facebook, of all things, that has me in this odd sort of humor.
You see, about 2 or 3 months ago a reasonably large number of people form that time in my life started to show up on FB. Or, actually, we began to find out that we were all on there; most of us having been on there for a while. And the most important out of that handful I've been talking about are present. Some of whom I have not spoken with for 25 years until just recently. And it was as if we had only been apart for a few days. There was no discomfort; no uncomfortable silences or feeling out. We fit. Seamlessly. Effortlessly.
I wonder, how many people go through life without ever experiencing that. How many people live all their years isolated from the realization that those relationships must be guarded as stingily as their last breath. I wonder how many times I sat uneasily, aimlessly casting about in my own mind for an explanation for my restlessness--not realizing that it all pointed to the missing pieces that are those friends. The real friends I have made. The people whose influence has always been present in my life regardless of the miles or the years. The longing was real but the answer was given to me 25 years ago.
For me, there are 4 people who fit: one from my service days (which followed immediately after my college days, coincidentally); and 3 from college. I have had a chance to sit with 2 of them face-to-face since November and have chatted, messaged and spoken on the phone with the other 2. And in each circumstance there has been no need to try and reassociate or reconnect. The trust and comfort with each other was immediate. It is, perhaps, one of the most encouraging experiences of my life. It gives me a sense that life does not necessarily pass us by, oblivious to our needs or desires. My faith and my family sustain me, but these friends are vital to me both emotionally and spiritually. And I feel immensely blessed and fortunate to have found that out in the middle of my life. I fear that so many either never realize it, or find it out far too late.
Twenty-five years of life have made us different people to be certain, but our bond, which is a bond of love, has kept us the same. I believe melancholy is fed by yearning, and cured by recognizing our blessedness through our friends--the real ones; that diminutive number of people we need and love regardless.
But the interesting thing about that number, which seems outrageous on the surface, is that out of that number I can probably narrow down the list of good friends that I have had--and I mean the kind of friends that are lifetime members of the club; where neither distance nor time nor circumstances nor any of the other myriad incumberences of life--(which means I still have them) to a number that fits on my fingers without having to use any of them twice. And I don't know if that is a sad thing, a common thing, a remarkable thing.........It can make me melancholy if I'm not careful; and I'm not one given to melancholy thoughts.
My suspicion is that it is typical; that most of us go through life making friends who are really acquaintances when it comes right down to it. They are people we know; that we like to hang out with. They're fun and funny, but they are not the missing piece to the puzzle we are trying to find.They are not bad people, usually just the opposite. They are likeable and dependable. We can count on them in a pinch and we'll miss them when they're gone, but they will eventually go--never to reappear.
But that handful--that favored few who stick to our lives no matter what; those are the ones I've been thinking about lately. And most of the ones who are that for me were made while I was in college the first time, right out of high school. And it is Facebook, of all things, that has me in this odd sort of humor.
You see, about 2 or 3 months ago a reasonably large number of people form that time in my life started to show up on FB. Or, actually, we began to find out that we were all on there; most of us having been on there for a while. And the most important out of that handful I've been talking about are present. Some of whom I have not spoken with for 25 years until just recently. And it was as if we had only been apart for a few days. There was no discomfort; no uncomfortable silences or feeling out. We fit. Seamlessly. Effortlessly.
I wonder, how many people go through life without ever experiencing that. How many people live all their years isolated from the realization that those relationships must be guarded as stingily as their last breath. I wonder how many times I sat uneasily, aimlessly casting about in my own mind for an explanation for my restlessness--not realizing that it all pointed to the missing pieces that are those friends. The real friends I have made. The people whose influence has always been present in my life regardless of the miles or the years. The longing was real but the answer was given to me 25 years ago.
For me, there are 4 people who fit: one from my service days (which followed immediately after my college days, coincidentally); and 3 from college. I have had a chance to sit with 2 of them face-to-face since November and have chatted, messaged and spoken on the phone with the other 2. And in each circumstance there has been no need to try and reassociate or reconnect. The trust and comfort with each other was immediate. It is, perhaps, one of the most encouraging experiences of my life. It gives me a sense that life does not necessarily pass us by, oblivious to our needs or desires. My faith and my family sustain me, but these friends are vital to me both emotionally and spiritually. And I feel immensely blessed and fortunate to have found that out in the middle of my life. I fear that so many either never realize it, or find it out far too late.
Twenty-five years of life have made us different people to be certain, but our bond, which is a bond of love, has kept us the same. I believe melancholy is fed by yearning, and cured by recognizing our blessedness through our friends--the real ones; that diminutive number of people we need and love regardless.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Little Catching Up--Part II
Other than the incident with our so-called friend, we have had a pretty good couple of months since the last posts. Pastor Vasile and his son, Daniel, (they are from the church where we went on our mission trip this past summer) came to America in November and were in St. Louis for a little over a week during the Thanksgiving holidays. We hosted them and a number of our friends for dinner on the holiday. We had the gathering at our church youth building so there would be more room and less mess at our house. The food was amazing and we had a really great time. Pastor Ian (pronounced Yon) is an amazing man of God. I admire him a great deal.
We were able to go home (to Alabama) for Christmas this year and that visit was excellent. We stayed for 9 days, which is a bit longer than our normal visits, but it worked out OK. It was almost over before we really started to wish we could go home. We love our families, but there's close and then there's too close. Living in Mom and Dad's house is no longer optimal. I did get to go hunting with my dad several times and we saw a lot of my sister and her family. I am very excited about moving back there in a year and a half. I can't wait. I miss the South and I miss my people.
Sandi's dad has a girlfriend now (her mom passed almost 2 years ago) and he's like a kid again. He really likes her and she's a great lady. Sandi and I went to high school with her kids; the ages were staggered, but we all knew each other. In fact, I played football with her son. She's really full of life and they are constantly going places and doing stuff together. I think it's been, and will continue to be, great for both of them. And Sandi and her brother are both very supportive, which her dad was worried about.
Our kids are doing very well, although they have both learned to dislike school now. Not sure where that came from. Well, the older one has always kind of been that way. Not that it matters, because it's not like they have a choice. Right?
My job is going very well. I find that I like being a manager more and more and that I like being in safety more and more. How blessed is that? So many people hate their jobs--the title and the work itself. And I suppose a big part of what makes me like it is that I am good at it. I wasn't sure that would be the case when I first jumped off into it. I have an inkling that my attraction to it has something to do with how closely it mirrors ministry. Don't laugh. Getting people to support and adhere to safety processes, regardless of their position within the company, is not really disimilar to getting people (who, remember, don't have to do what you say in church because they are there voluntarily) to rally around the cause of Christ and support the direction you are trying to take them. You have to inspire, lead by example, wield influence subtly, etc. in each circumstance. Or, at least that's my style in both. And how well I do my job can have profound influences in both arenas; although one is obviously moreso than the other. But you get my point.
I have another interesting thing that has been going on over the last several weeks, but that's for the next post.
We were able to go home (to Alabama) for Christmas this year and that visit was excellent. We stayed for 9 days, which is a bit longer than our normal visits, but it worked out OK. It was almost over before we really started to wish we could go home. We love our families, but there's close and then there's too close. Living in Mom and Dad's house is no longer optimal. I did get to go hunting with my dad several times and we saw a lot of my sister and her family. I am very excited about moving back there in a year and a half. I can't wait. I miss the South and I miss my people.
Sandi's dad has a girlfriend now (her mom passed almost 2 years ago) and he's like a kid again. He really likes her and she's a great lady. Sandi and I went to high school with her kids; the ages were staggered, but we all knew each other. In fact, I played football with her son. She's really full of life and they are constantly going places and doing stuff together. I think it's been, and will continue to be, great for both of them. And Sandi and her brother are both very supportive, which her dad was worried about.
Our kids are doing very well, although they have both learned to dislike school now. Not sure where that came from. Well, the older one has always kind of been that way. Not that it matters, because it's not like they have a choice. Right?
My job is going very well. I find that I like being a manager more and more and that I like being in safety more and more. How blessed is that? So many people hate their jobs--the title and the work itself. And I suppose a big part of what makes me like it is that I am good at it. I wasn't sure that would be the case when I first jumped off into it. I have an inkling that my attraction to it has something to do with how closely it mirrors ministry. Don't laugh. Getting people to support and adhere to safety processes, regardless of their position within the company, is not really disimilar to getting people (who, remember, don't have to do what you say in church because they are there voluntarily) to rally around the cause of Christ and support the direction you are trying to take them. You have to inspire, lead by example, wield influence subtly, etc. in each circumstance. Or, at least that's my style in both. And how well I do my job can have profound influences in both arenas; although one is obviously moreso than the other. But you get my point.
I have another interesting thing that has been going on over the last several weeks, but that's for the next post.
A Little Catching Up
It has been what seems like forever since my last post. A lot has happened during that time. I won't burden you with all of it, but I'll try to fill in some of the spaces.
First, our friend with cancer has moved out. She is in remission and the prognosis at this time seems to be for a full recovery. She had the cancerous kidney removed and the other places where it had appeared are either gone or shrinking. Good news for her. But there's more to the story. She did not leave because she was ready to. We asked her to.
When we first learned of her condition and decided to ask her to live with us (see previous posts), we also knew that we were going to need to find a way to help her financially so that she could get back out on her own once her condition improved. Otherwise, knowing her as we do, we knew that she would not be able to leave because she would never come up with the money on her own, nor would her family help out. Thus we decided to have a fundraiser. There is a surprisingly close network of people in the real estate business in this area and many of them know her and many more know Sandi and the lady that she works for. So they (Sandi and her boss) set about organizing a trivia night with all the proceeds to be placed into a trust for our friend. Sandi and I would be named as executors of the trust because we knew that if she had control over the money it would be blown long before she could move out of our house and, well, let's just say that would be bad.
The event was a success with many people from the real estate community as well as our church responding generously. We raised nearly $5000 for her. Sandi and I went to the bank and made all of the arrangements and deposited the money. We told her how the trust would be set up and why. The money was to be held until she was well enough to move on and none of it would be spent until then and it wasn't. That was in early September.
In November we received a call from the bank asking a bunch of questions about the account. It felt very much like an accusation. As we pressed the guy from the bank for details he told us that our friend had been in that day, unbeknownst to us, seeking access to the funds. It had set off some sort of inquiry and the end result was that the bank told us that we could not have the account as it had been originally intended. We had to give her the money and close the account. It made us both pretty angry (actually, Sandi was fit to be tied) to be placed under such scrutiny when we had done nothing wrong--only tried to help. And it demonstrated yet again that our 'friend' has no real concept of the nature of friendship or self-control. When Sandi confronted her (remember, she didn't know that the bank had spilled the beans) she tried to deny everything and when that didn't work she tried to make excuses and say the bank had misunderstood her intent.
To keep a long story from getting any longer, the final result was that we told her she could no longer live with us. I gave her until the end of January to find a place and move. We knew that if we didn't get her out of our house soon the money would be spent and then there would be real trouble. The funny thing is that she ended up moving in with the guy I talked about several posts ago who has pined away for her for so long.
I could go on and on about this, but I'm tired of talking about it. The end.
First, our friend with cancer has moved out. She is in remission and the prognosis at this time seems to be for a full recovery. She had the cancerous kidney removed and the other places where it had appeared are either gone or shrinking. Good news for her. But there's more to the story. She did not leave because she was ready to. We asked her to.
When we first learned of her condition and decided to ask her to live with us (see previous posts), we also knew that we were going to need to find a way to help her financially so that she could get back out on her own once her condition improved. Otherwise, knowing her as we do, we knew that she would not be able to leave because she would never come up with the money on her own, nor would her family help out. Thus we decided to have a fundraiser. There is a surprisingly close network of people in the real estate business in this area and many of them know her and many more know Sandi and the lady that she works for. So they (Sandi and her boss) set about organizing a trivia night with all the proceeds to be placed into a trust for our friend. Sandi and I would be named as executors of the trust because we knew that if she had control over the money it would be blown long before she could move out of our house and, well, let's just say that would be bad.
The event was a success with many people from the real estate community as well as our church responding generously. We raised nearly $5000 for her. Sandi and I went to the bank and made all of the arrangements and deposited the money. We told her how the trust would be set up and why. The money was to be held until she was well enough to move on and none of it would be spent until then and it wasn't. That was in early September.
In November we received a call from the bank asking a bunch of questions about the account. It felt very much like an accusation. As we pressed the guy from the bank for details he told us that our friend had been in that day, unbeknownst to us, seeking access to the funds. It had set off some sort of inquiry and the end result was that the bank told us that we could not have the account as it had been originally intended. We had to give her the money and close the account. It made us both pretty angry (actually, Sandi was fit to be tied) to be placed under such scrutiny when we had done nothing wrong--only tried to help. And it demonstrated yet again that our 'friend' has no real concept of the nature of friendship or self-control. When Sandi confronted her (remember, she didn't know that the bank had spilled the beans) she tried to deny everything and when that didn't work she tried to make excuses and say the bank had misunderstood her intent.
To keep a long story from getting any longer, the final result was that we told her she could no longer live with us. I gave her until the end of January to find a place and move. We knew that if we didn't get her out of our house soon the money would be spent and then there would be real trouble. The funny thing is that she ended up moving in with the guy I talked about several posts ago who has pined away for her for so long.
I could go on and on about this, but I'm tired of talking about it. The end.
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